Going Private

I really really really didn't want to go private and have avoided it for a few years now however it was in the best interest of our family and my sanity to be selective on who can read our blog. Keep in mind and I have said this many time before that this blog like many others is like a journal for me and I will write some of my feelings from time to time. Wither or not my feelings are correct or if you as the reader agree with them it is still how I feel. Sometimes I am being a girl sometimes it is nice to hear that I am not a lone with things that I go through and feel sometimes. With that being said let me clear a few things up that seem to be bothering some or I guess one for all I know but if they are feeling this way more of you who have read this blog may be feeling the same.
1st: Yes we have moved back in with my in laws and yes hell has frozen over because it was MY idea. Blaine is going to school and working full time and we would like to try and save money. Is it ideal no is it nice that we are able to do this YES. I not only have help with the boys at night but we have a yard again and my kids would live outside if I would let them. The last time we lived here it was under some pretty crazy circumstances. I was very sick and prego with Emily, Blaine was traveling to Sacramento once a month for about a week. I went into labor at 25 weeks and 5 days almost died and ended up loosing our daughter. A few months after that my father in law has a massive heart attack that I caught and ended up having a triple bypass. So ya that would cause some massive I guess you could call it tension. As long as no one tries to die this time around I think things will go a lot better.

2: Trying to get pregnant. Not that it is any ones business but after my miscarriage last July life hasn't been normal for me. The fallowing will have TMI so don't say that I didn't warn you if you would like to stop reading now.
After my miscarriage last July and BTW when I got pregnant last July I WAS on birth control so we wern't trying. I have not had a normal period. There are some months that I have nothing for two or three months. Then there are months that I bleed for 38 days have two days with nothing thinking that it has stoped then it starts right back up again. I I would bleed for 60 days with a few days off here and there. NOT FUN!!! plus I am Iron deficient so I get really weak and have no energy. People have been telling me for a while to go to the Dr and get it checked out.
I have been nervous to go see my OBGYN for my PAP because all of mine have come back abnormal for years had to have a colposcopy and they said that if I kept getting these that it was a sign that I was a pre-cancer thing. The fact that we don't have medical insurance on top of that made it rough. Yes I saved money and went to the DR.
He told me that I had PCOS. I thought it was funny since I have had three kids. He told me that I got lucky and that the reason they didn't catch it sooner is because I have been on birth control since I was 15. He told me that he could put me back on birth control but that wouldn't fix the problem so he would do some tests and then if those tests came back okay that he would start me on progesterone.
The reason they are putting me on progesterone is not to try and get pregnant right now. It is to kick start my hormones into working normally again. I am not on or am I going on Clomid in the near future. They are two very different meds. No I have not been on birth control for a year now and still have not gotten pregnant. Do we want another baby yes on some days am I ready for one right now yes on others the awnser is HECK NO! Are we trying to get pregnant right now NO! are we trying to fix me so I can have a normal life and when we are ready for another baby we will have one YES.
Once again what I have said before Blaine and I are in the same mind set that when another baby is suppose to join our family it won't matter what or if we are on birth control because we don't control it. We have gotten pregnant on birth control before and if Heavenly Father wants us to have that spirit we will have it. Just in case you are wondering this is that our plan is. Do we need your approval no, do we want to hear if you don't agree with us sure but do it in a nice way please.
So now that all of that is cleared up I will keep this blog private for a while if you have friends that want to read it send me there e-mail address. I have appreciated all the uplifting comments and support that I have gotten over the years. It is nice to know that I am not always alone with things that I have or am going through. I know my problems are nothing compared to others but when I put it on paper it makes me feel better.