25 weeks and 5 days

To most people when they are pregnant this is just another day that you most likely don't even think about. To me this is kind of a milestone. I was 25 weeks and 5 days when Emily was born. I have had mixed emotions for this day with this pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Cameron I knew when the day came but it really didn't affect me the only reason I could think of is because I was having a boy. This time I am having a girl and having been keeping to together I think for the most part. I am happy because I have made it this far. I know that as of right now I am not having the same problems I did with Emily that all stopped at 16 weeks another thing that I am happy for. It is interesting cuz when I talked to the doctor he said that after I hit this point it could go one of two ways. My anxiety would be over cuz I made it this far and everything would be happy and fine. Or the anxiety would stay because this is now uncharted territory with a girl for me. I am trying to hold it together but unfortunately it is number 2. I am happy I have made it this far but at the same time I am more scared now than I was even yesterday. I am doing what the doc said and not holding in how I feel and after all the many years of therapy I have gotten during my life you would think that I would be able to talk about feelings better but not. I do okay when I put it on paper but when it comes to actually talking out loud about what is going on in my head that gets a little harder to do. I know that my experience with Emily was not normal so I am really trying to keep a level head about this but it is hard. Knowing that if Emily wouldn't of gotten my infection at her age and weight she most likely would have been fine just a super preemie is hard to take in sometimes. I get nervous with this pregnancy because baby Gracie is giving me a lot of contractions and I am on moderate bed rest. I don't have to be in bed all the time but I have to limit my activity and how much I sit. My doctor is great he has told me if I want to come in every other week to hear the heart beat I can. So far I am trying not to do that we will see what Friday's ultrasound brings. He has ordered it mostly to make me calm down but also to make sure that I am not dilating. I hope after Friday to calm down a little I guess that is why I have really not wanted to do much today.