It has been really interesting to see how I have changed since my last post. I did talk to my husband and he said he wasn't surprised and he had been expecting it. We talked a lot about it and he told me things I already knew but I guess wasn't thinking about. When I told him that I was afraid to ask for a blessing that he said that he could understand but he also said that I need to have the faith that everything will turn out okay. He said I need to start looking at the positive. My bleeding has stopped way earlier than it did with Cameron. Other than the eating thing there really hasn't been any complications. My gma said that every pregnancy is different and mine have been very different all stuff that I know and even say a lot. She told me that I need to enjoy this pregnancy. We don't have control over anything and whatever is going to happen will happen. That is true with everything in life. It is like people who are afraid to die. If that where the case you could never go outside of your house because you could get in a car accident ect. we can't and don't live in a bubble things are going to happen it matters how we handle them when they do. I have had a hard time thinking during my life that good things can happen to me and when they do it is okay and I deserve it. My childhood was pretty screwed up and I had a lot of bad things happen. However I had a lot of good things as well. As I talked to people about my last post and things that I have been feeling I have decided that I need to be happy. I am having a girl and as of right now there is noting to worry about. I will defenatly talk to my doctor about the anxiety that i am still feeling but the more I don't keep it bottled up the more I am starting to feel a little better. I did ask Blaine for a blessing the other night because I couldn't go through another night of no sleep. After that I have been sleeping better. So once again I need to have the FAITH that everything will be okay.
I have my normal doctor appointment on Friday and that will be good I started having some braxton hicks contractions I think mostly cuz I had to pick up Cameron today. He is up to about 36 pounds so I don't think that is a good idea anymore and I am sure the doctor is going to say the same thing. So I guess Cam and I will not be going out anymore without help. That's okay I have a ton of sewing to get started. So I am feeling a little better. I am not going to lie it is something that I am having to work on everyday but I promised myself and my husband that I would work on it.
I am so glad you are feeling alittle better. It is hard, as far as the faith goes, I'm in the same boat. Everyone keeps asking me if I have had a blessing yet, and the answer is always no. I know it would most likely help me feel better about my situation, I have just been struggling. And it's not that I'm scared or anything like that, it's just I guess I let myself get into a really bad place and I hate to say this because it will sound sooo aweful, but I kind of feel like whats the point, I'm not going to get better. Every night my kids pray that I get better, and I'm not. I'm not going to, heavenly father has the power to take this illness away from me and he's not going to. I do know that he knows everything and there is a lesson to learn from this and I do try my hardest to concentrate on the blessings that I do have. But it's just hard hearing from people "I hope you get better, I hope you feel better soon" the biggest thing is that I HOPE SO TO!! But it's not. Doctors are trying to figure out whats going on, but haven't had any luck. So I pray instead for the doctors that they be inspired to think outside the box to find answers for me. That hasn't worked yet either. I know my situation is completely different, but I understand where you are coming from. I finally did ask my husband for one, so tonight I will get one. I'm glad you are trying to think differently about it and I am so glad that you found your outlet to feel better. The feelings that are cooped up are the ones that are sooo trying on us. You will be blessed and you will be soo happy when she gets here. Just try to be careful when lifting little ones. With my second, I could not lift my first and then with this last one I couldn't lift my second, because it would throw me into labor, hang in there. Pregnancy is hard, but sooo worth it when you bring the precious baby in the world. :)
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