Happy Birthday Little Brother

This is one of the very last pictures of my brother today would have been my little brothers 25th birthday. It's interesting to see how if affects me differently every year. This year I have almost been dreading this month. With my brother's birthday and the 2nd anniversary of Emily going to be our little angel. My goal was to have today be a happy day and just to think that yep it is Ryan's birthday but I hasn't worked out that way. I have been having a really hard time with it. I just thought all night about him and it was good but I was still struggling. My brother and I where so insanely close. We truly where the best friends ever he always made me happy and we had such big plans for when we grew up and had our own families. I miss him so much it hurts sometimes. I get so jealous everyone once in a while of my husband and the fact that he has all of his siblings even if they don't always get along. When we where first dating they showed me all the old family videos trying to embarrass Blaine and don't get me wrong there where some funny parts but the thing that it made me think of more than anything is how I wish that I could have memories like that with my own brother. Enough with the pity party this isn't what this post is about. I can see so much of my brother Ryan in my son Ryan. They are so much alike that sometimes that it is scary. It has been so fun to see my Ryan sing the same primary songs that Ryan and I use to love and sing. I still get teary eyed when Ryan is singing Families Can Be Together Forever when we are in the car driving. I am very thankful for all the things that my little brother has taught me. The one thing that he always said was that he wanted to be a missionary and I know that now he is getting that opportunity. I know that my little brother Ryan doesn't look like the six year old in this photo. I know he is a handsome young man who is in heaven taking care of my angel baby Emily. I couldn't ask for anyone better to take care of my baby until I will be able to. I know that he is always taking care of me even though I may not always know it. I love you little brother and miss you more than I can ever express. Happy Birthday.I don't have my pictures here in my apartment and I need to get most of them scanned into my computer but this is one of Ryan and I in my dad's helicopter at one of the air shows Ryan loved that his dad flew in helicopters.This is a Christmas on the farm. Grandpa Bird gave him this wooden flute that is from Peru I think. Ryan loved to play that thing and it annoyed us all. Also if you look at his feet he lived in cowboy boots. Since my dad always wore them he had to have them and be just like my dad. He would even sleep in them.

Still playing that dumb fluteThis is Ryan and I at that same air show looking at the firetruck. We liked those to since my dad was a fireman. Ryan said that he was going to be a fireman when he grew up.
This is Ryan and I on our very long train ride from El Paso TX to Eugene OR. We had fun though.

I was able to go to his grave last year. Since it is in Texas we don't get there as often as we would like. No you are not seeing things that is gravel. They have taken all the grass out of the cemetery because thy can't keep it green. We where there when all my family was down last summer because we took Grandpop Morgans ashes to his resting place that happens to be right across the little street from where Ryan is . His head stone looks a little darker in some spots because we took a sharpie to darken it and the workers came and kept looking at us so we didn't want to get in trouble. The yellow flowers are from my parents and the red roses are from me. Ryan and I loved the same flower that happened to be red roses.
I love you little bro Happy Birthday