So Much Is Happening

This is just a warning for any of you who read this. I turn my blogs into books and use them as journal type thing. This post is manly just for me so I can get things off my mind so read on if you don't mind talking about girl stuff and problems that girls go through.

So like this header says there is A LOT going on in my life right now. Some fun stuff is that we are getting ready to celebrate Ryan's 5th Birthday on Monday. Ryan has picked to have a bowling party and asks me everyday if he is 5 yet. I can't believe that I am going to have a 5 year old in a few days. More pictures of that to come next week. And I promise I will try and get them up next week. We thought that our lease was up in September here at our apartment. Well we found out that it is up in July the lease that we signed said that if you decided not to renew our contract that we would need to let the office know 60 days before we plan to move. So we have to be out in 59 days. That seems like a long time but it really isn't. It's already the middle of May and June is going to be a very busy month for our family. We really want to move back into the Townhouses that are in our ward. We are looking for a three bedroom. There are some available now but we can't move yet so that kind of stinks. I am trying to keep the mind set that every time that we have needed to move something has always worked out. I would love to find one of the houses in the townhouses to rent so we had a little bit of a yard but we will just have to wait a few more weeks and see what happens.
I am trying to get end of the year gifts done for Ryan's teachers. I am now taking care of my Grandpa on Wednesdays so that my Grandma can have a little bit of a break. My Gpa has Parkinson's pretty bad and is sucking the energy out of my Gma so I am happy that we are here to give her a few hour break. That and the boys seem to have fun. I am still working on Mondays and teaching the hair bow classes at Ribbons and Lace once a week. I try and work every other Saturday so we can have some extra money as well.
We are also in the process of declaring bankruptcy and yes we have looked into other options but this is the best for us. Between our house that is finally after 3 years going to auction and all of the medical bills it is going to work out better. It has been a very stressful time in our lives and hopefully when I finally turn all the paper work over to our attorney life will be better because I won't have to worry about it anymore.
Now for the not so fun part about me. I have had NO ENERGY at all lately. Here is the back story on how all of this started. I went to a new OBGYN a few months ago because I had heard good things about him from a few different people and they had told me that he is hard to get into so try and become an established patient before you get pregnant and you will have a better chance to have him as your doc. NO I AM NOT PREGNANT NO DO I PLAN TO BE IN THE NEAR FUTURE!!!!! I told him that I get HORRIBLE MIGRAINES during my placebo week. I was on the ring for birth control. I loved the ring by the way. He told me that the migraines are because of a dip in estrogen. So he told me instead of doing the week of a period than put my new birth control in just not to have my period anymore just to put a new ring in right away. It worked out really well for three months. I didn't have a period for three months and along with that no migraines either. But then I forgot to get my ring ordered and I was a couple days late with the new one. I started bleeding and have been bleeding for over a month and a half now. Not just normal period bleeding either like bleeding when I was pregnant with Emily bleeding not bad enough where I had to get the diapers again but lots and lots of clots. I made an appointment to change my birth control because it is now $80.00 a month and I just don't have the money for that. So they put me on an actual pill. I don't do good with pills. The last time I was on a pill was when I was 15 when I kept having cyst issues and it gave me morning sickness. Sure enough this pill has done the same thing. I feel nauseous all the time some days are better than others but it has not been fun. At least when I feel like this when I am pregnant I can deal with it because I know at the end I will end up with a cute bundle of joy but I know that isn't happening right now. With the nausea and all the bleeding I totally feel like I did with Emily. I have called the Dr. and they really don't know whats going on either. I have been trying not to think about it but the thought is always in the back of my head. Granted I am not pregnant my body doesn't have a baby growing in me like last time so I am not so sick. But I keep thinking how long is it going to take how long before I am back in Cardiac ICU fighting for my life again. I know that I shouldn't have those thoughts but I guess that I am scared. I have always been low on Iron and now I am super low and I have no energy to do anything. But somehow I do because life has to go on. I still need to work and there are still therapy appointments to get to and soon there will be swimming everyday. The lack of sleep from worrying about all of this is finally taking its toll on me. I usually go to bed around 8-9 and leave Blaine to deal with the kids then I am awake around midnight when Blaine finally comes to bed and then I can't shut my mind off. Friday I finally asked Blaine and his dad to give me a blessing. Gary anointed and then Blaine gave me the blessing. It was crazy because as soon as Blaine started the words he spoke completely comforted me. He said that my Heavenly Father knows that I am worried about what is going on in my body. He told me that it would eventually go away and to be comforted. When he said the words that my Heavenly Father knew that I have been worried about this I just about lost it. I could feel that I am not alone. Blaine has been very supportive in whatever we needed to do we don't have medical insurance right now so every time we go to the Doctor it is out of pocket but if I needed to go back in he told me to go. He also said in the blessing that I would start to seep better and ever since Friday night I have been able to sleep better and it has now been a day in a half since I have had bleeding problems. The nausea is still there. I think I will give that another month and then see if we need to change pills.
I told you this isn't the funnest post in the world but I feel better to let it all out.